AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!

FORD
backwards --> Driver Returns On Foot
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA

GM
General Maintenance

GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover
Equipment

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless

You might be a 21 series or an Army Engineer Pagan when...

1. You use Surveyors to mark out your corners and to make level
2. You use a scraper to cast your circle
3. You use a bobcat for an alter
4. You use Engineer Tape to draw your pentacle
5. You use Male and Female ends for teh God and Goddess symbles
6. You use Dozer for earth, Compressor for Air, Det cord w/o primer (you know soldiers) for fire, A piece of a ribbon bridge for water.
7. Your Wiccan name concretia, anything starting with ply, or use the same demsions you would for wood ie. "Hi I'm 38"x68"x10"
8. You use a screwdriver for an Atheme and you know this size just by looking at it.
9. You used the finishing broom as your Besom from the Mason Kit.
10. You know that your cirle is exactly 15' in diameter... see number one.
11. You use a nail gun for banishing spell and if that isn't good enouph you use a Vib Roller
12. You use an O2 Tank for smudgeing
13. When your brazing dish is C-4
14. You use 3" Rebar as your staff
15. You use a blow torch to light your incense... or well um you don't have incense you use saw dust.
16. Your book of Shadows has several sets of blue prints on how to set up a circle to include a topographic map.
17. The name of your God and Goddess is Cut and Fill (you figure it out)
18. You use your wets suit, life jacket, or coveralls for your robes.
19. You wear your toolbelt to rituals and instead of tools you would have easy access to your ritual items.
20. To close the circle you would have Primed Det cord (in the hands of responsible adult... ie the Priestess).
21. OH ya your familiar... A brand new baby engineer butter bar... damn just over it with the vib roller... again.

Well, not really Pagan, but so many of us are owned by Cats.....

So this Southern Belle takes a trip to New York City and stays a week. When she comes back, all her friends gather around her in her bedroom and listen to her tell them about the trip.

"Well," she says, "did you all know, that up there in New York City, there are men that kiss other men?"

"Oh really?" gasp her remarkably sheltered friends.

"Oh yes," she says, "and they call them 'homosexuals'." Her friends all nod.

"And did you know," she says, "that up there in New York City, they have women who kiss other women?"

"Oh really?" gasp all of her unbelieveably sheltered friends.

"Yes, and they call those women 'lesbians'." Her friends all nod, wide-eyed and speechless.

"And did you know, that up there in New York City, there are men that put there tongues in a woman's private parts?"

"Oh really?" squeal her extremely sheltered and unexperienced friends.

"What do they call them?" they all ask in unison.

1. Thou shall not turn thy ex into a frog.
2. Thou shall not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
3. Thou shall not laugh at nekked snow sprites.
4. Thou shall not get drunk with thy Goddess's wine.
5. Thou shall not sacrifice thy little sister.
6. Thou shall not go running around proclaiming thy witchhood if thy are in times of burning.
7. Thou shall not question the word of thy High Priestess - She is God.
8. Thou shall not laugh at being nekked at coven.
9. Thou shall not commit to signing anything that declares any single person as thy lord and savior.
10. Thou shall not invoke thy Watchtowers only to say "never mind".
11. Thou shall not burn enough candles to burn thy house down.
12. Thou shall not have the magickal name "Sir Stinky Fartsalot".
13. Thou shall not call coven only for laughs.